Update on Kari

 I figured it was about time to give an update to everyone regarding Kari and how she is doing. It's been some time since I talked to some of you, so I'll just give a brief recap.

Kari ended Chemotherapy on May 31 and had a follow-up PET scan at the end of July. We were, of course, hoping for a clean read, BUT there was still some activity in her chest, along with some in her pelvis, that the doctor wanted to keep an eye on. So she had a second PET scan earlier this month. Unfortunately, the activity in those areas had increased enough that her Oncologist recommended another biopsy of the lymph nodes in her chest to double check to see if there was anything to be concerned about.

The preliminary results on the biopsy came back inconclusive, but her oncologist still suggested meeting with a radiation-oncologist to discuss the possibility of radiation treatment. In the meantime, he also ordered an MRI on her to get a closer look at the activity in her pelvic region (near her left ovary).

We met with Dr. Baer today and he went over both the PET and the MRI with us. He did recommend radiation for the area in her chest, seeing as the final results (from U of M) on the biopsy did still show Hodgkins. However, he was concerened about the area in her pelvis. It is right near a branch of arteries that runs near the ovary and the MRI results aren't real clear whether or not it's something in her lymph nodes or something else.

He said there are 3 ways we can address it: Sit on it and wait and see if it changes (do another scan in a few months), go ahead and treat it with radiation (however, it would fry her ovary making it useless) or basically do exploratory surgery to see if they can locate what the issue is. Dr. Baer isn't too keen on letting it just sit, nor is he wanting to put her through surgery if nothing is found. He is consulting with a few colleagues to discuss what they think and will be getting back to us later this week.

Kari did say she felt that doing the surgery would be something she would be more inclined to do, especially seeing that after a 4 cycles of chemo the Hodgkins was not completely gone. She also is not interested in frying her ovary. Dr. Baer did say if surgery were the way to go, he would likely have us go to Mayo or something along that line.

So. That is where we are at this point. Sorry I haven't updated more consistently, but I think I was just waiting for everything to come back clean so I could send out a "SHE'S CURED" message. Instead, just continue to please keep her in your thoughts (as I know you all will). I have been amazed and impressed and so very proud of how well she is managing all of this. She is an inspiration to me!!


This was a group message I sent out to some family on Facebook. Cancer is such a pain in the ass. There is nothing simple about it. I don't know what I was expecting when Kari was diagnosed with it last January. Maybe I thought that since because she had a fairly simple cancer that was easy to treat, she'd go through treatment and be done! Well, obviously it is not turning out to be that way. It's just so much for someone her age (just turned 20) to have to deal with. Especially now with not knowing what the activity in her pelvis is all about. If it turns out that it is cancer and it needs to be treated with radiation, then she needs to consider how it will affect her ability to have children later on. It's just a lot.

So, at this point we are just waiting to hear from the doctor later this week to see what he recommends. Either way, it's going to be a big decision for Kari.

Keeping it Random

 I am not really sure what my deal is lately, but me and a "good night's sleep" just aren't getting along. Boo.

My mistakes on my math exam were SO STUPID. Honestly, all they consisted of was my not reading the questions properly. Completely avoidable, but I suppose a 96 is still a 96 no matter what.

I received some positive feedback on last week's English assignment. I was less than thrilled with my work, and it took me until almost the very last minute to get it in. And when I did get it in, the last few questions were rushed and not well thought out. But my instructor said it was good and I have very strong writing skills, so Yay! I even ended up with a perfect score on the assignment.

My friend Jeannie and I have plans to go see the new Blair Witch movie on Friday. We kind of have to. You see, we saw the original when it first came out in 1999. And we totally bought into the whole "recovered footage" hype, so we thought it was REAL. It wasn't until the credits were rolling at the end of the movie that we both realized it was JUST a movie. Still scared the shizznit out of us, though. Jeannie just recently moved back to the area from Utah, so we made a "dinner & movie" date for Friday. We'll be able to do some good catching up and then go get the shizznit scared out of us again. I am looking forward to it.

Oh. Did I mention I am a grandma? Step-grandma, technically. Gerry's son, Aaron, and his wife had a baby boy at the end of August. I feel bad for not feeling more excited about it, but the whole situation is just - uncomfortable - so I think everyone is sort of holding back any excitement. Which is sad, because babies should be celebrated. And he is a cutie. Wonderfully chubby cheeks and he looks just like his dad. There is talk about going down to Fort Bragg for Thanksgiving so we can see everyone. Gerry is dragging his feet, though. Makes a big deal about spending money, but I think it's really that he just doesn't know how to handle that his son is a father. It doesn't fit what Gerry had in mind for Aaron. Or perhaps for himself - being a grandfather at 45. I hope we go, though. I'd love a baby fix.

Have I mentioned that I think I am in love with my Diva cup? Seriously. I love it.

School Talk

 Try as I might, spending 3 hours of nothing but studying tires my brain out.

I finally had to break and will probably waste my remaining half-hour before my next class on Amazon shopping for a backpack on wheels. All these books are back breakers!

Found out I got a 96 on my math exam. It's not really a big deal. I am taking an 085 level math class, and right now it's a lot of basic review. Literally adding/subtracting, multiplying/dividing. I was reminded of the Order of Operations I had forgotten about when solving equations. That's good to know, although the way my mind works is wondering who was the person/people who decided that PEMDAS was the way to solve an equation. WHY did it have to be THAT way? Why not "MDASET"??? These are the kind of questions, that do not even matter, that I ask myself thus taking my attention off what needs to be focused on. I wish I could shut off that part of my brain. Even when reading text material I have a hard time getting through a section because I will start wondering about this or that (related to the text) and will end up thinking about those questions rather than paying attention to what I need to study. Argh!

Looked at some tissue samples under the microscope today in biology. I worked alone, which I really didn't mind, but on the other side I felt a little out-of-place. I don't know why I have such a hard time sometimes involving myself with others. It wouldn't have been that hard to go up to a couple of people and say "Hey, want to be partners" but instead, I just hang back and if no one approaches me, I go along on my own. Basically, that hasn't changed since K-12 school. Since we moved so often each time I started a new school I pretty much just hung back and didn't push my unfamiliar presence on others. Eventually someone would talk to me and a friendship would develop, but I NEVER made the first move. I'd like to change that about myself, but I am not sure how to go about that.

I like school, though. I enjoy being in the learning environment. I just need to figure out better ways to soak all the learning in.

Being Schooled

 So today was the beginning of my 3rd week back at school.

First week went great. Last week I felt like I was going to have a break down. This week is starting off pretty well.

I had a couple days last week where my emotions were all over the place and the old self-doubt started creeping back in to sabotage me. I had such a hard time working on any of my assignments and any time I sat down to read I couldn't make it through three sentences without having to stop and write out a list for grocery shopping the next day, or chores I need to complete around the house (actually, chores that have needed to be done for months, but I have to write a list for RIGHT NOW).

*sigh*

Fortunately, I started my period today and I think that is where a lot of those thoughts were coming from. It's funny how my perception of things can literally change overnight when I start my period. I almost feel like I've been on a crazy roller-coaster for several days before hand, but not the fun, exciting amusement park kind, and then suddenly I'm off and back on solid ground and everything is just better.

So, everything is better. I'm not feeling like I am going to fail miserably. I am not thinking that I am just a fool to think I can do this at 42. I went to class today, enjoyed the lesson, had the light bulb go off a few times, learned some interesting facts, took a test and felt pretty good about it, and just basically had a good day. I am back on track.

I snatched up a couple NCLEX-RN review texts that had been put in a Free box in the science wing hallway. I'll take as many of those as I can. I have heard horror stories about the NCLEX exams so I'd like to be as prepared as possible.

Speaking of my period, I decided to give the Diva Cup a try. Usually on my first day or so of light bleeding I will only wear a pad, and then when things pick up I'll switch to tampons. I still wore a pad today since everything I read said that it can take a couple of tries before you get the placement correct, but I must have had beginners luck because not a single leak! I forgot to bring any back up feminine products with me, so I did end up emptying the cup a couple times while at class (to avoid any potential Diva blow out). It is a messy process. There is no way around it. You are sticking your fingers up into your bloody vag, BUT over all the mess is so much less than what it would be if you were wearing a pad/tampon. So I am pretty much sold on it, although I think I will end up carrying around a pocket-sized package of wet wipes so I don't look like I've butchered a chicken in the stall.

I also find it kind of interesting that the cup has measurement markers on the side (1/4 oz, 1/2 oz, 1 oz) so you can tell how much you are emptying each time. The instructions that came with the cup stated that most women only lose about 1oz of blood during their ENTIRE cycle, which I think is WAY off. Today alone I dumped over 2oz. But I like knowing that.

Back to work tomorrow. I DON'T WANNA GO!!! It's not that I don't enjoy my job, but I'd rather be studying. I am really seriously at looking to cut my hours back from 32 to 24 hours. The biggest thing that is holding me back from that is the medical insurance. My hours now are considered full-time, so I pay full-time premiums for my insurance and it reasonable enough that I pay for the family coverage so my kids are covered too. However, if I were to drop to 24 hours I would have to start paying the part-time premiums for the insurance, which is almost 2x what I am paying now...so...that makes paying for the family coverage a bit problematic. I could afford it for me alone, but not for all of us.

I don't know. Perhaps I will feel better about staying at 32 hours once I have found my groove with school. The biggest advantage with where I am now is that if I am working an evening or weekend shift the workload tends to be much lighter, which gives me time to study. So it does have it's perks.

All that said, though. I DON'T WANNA GO TO WORK TOMORROW!!!

Chasing Sleep In My Dreams

 Oh my lord, am I tired today. I slept horribly last night...pretty much waking up every hour or so and then was wide awake at 3:30am. So I got up and finished up a crochet project I've been working on thinking that I would get tired out and be able to catch a couple more hours of sleep before having to head to class.

Nope.

Stayed awake.

Drove the hour and fifteen minutes to class with the radio volume as high as I could have it without blowing out the speakers. I even stopped at the Sagola BP for one of those little energy shots. I am not too sure how it worked for me. Well enough to get me through my Bio lab, but now I am sitting here in the student lounge trying to find ways to stay awake.

My next class isn't until 4:00pm. I am on central time right now, so it's only actually 1:30pm.

I may go snag some coffee from the Student Center upstairs and see if that perks me up some. Or I may look at trying to nap in the car for a bit.

Another option would be to see if I can find a St. Vinnies or something like that here and spend some time there. I could work on some math stuff, but to be honest, my brain just doesn't have it in me right now. Anything I did would be ahead of the game anyway.

I just Googled St. Vinnies in Iron Mountain. There is one 5 minutes from here.

I'm on it.

I Can't Sleep

This always happens when I come off a stretch of afternoon shifts. For some reason that last night after I get home, I just can't fall asleep.

I think it's because I am going over and over and over in my head all the shit I need to get done on my days off.

"I want to organize the office better, but to do that I'll need some extra shelves and storage space. I need to hang the curtain rods in the living and dining room, but I should probably get some spackle and wood filler to fix up the holes in the wall and wood trim. I need to finish tying up the rest of my tomato plants. Then I should probably pull up the cucumber and squash plants since The Blight has done them in. Then there are the five different crochet projects I am working on, the teacup bird feeders I've been meaning to make, and the banana muffins I keep telling myself I am going to make. Speaking of food, I would like to make some chicken enchiladas for dinner tomorrow. I wonder if I can find some sort of verde salsa that I can make using green tomatoes. But maybe I'll make chicken tortilla soup and baked chorizo taquitos instead. We have those three ears of corn in the fridge that need to be used up. I need to find time to organize an assignment schedule for my classes. I have a schedule book, but I don't ever look at that, so for some reason I think a weekly assignment sheet will work better for me. I'd like to shave my legs. Give myself a mani-pedi. Do some reading in Biology and Psychology. Clean the bathroom. Laundry. Hang some pictures because the walls are too bare. Do some yoga."

It's like a constant conversation with myself, and this is only a small fraction of what's going on. All I want to do is SLEEP! I am exhausted and I don't want to spend my first day off not having any motivation. Not being able to get to sleep is really pointing my Tuesday in that direction.

ARGH!!!

*sigh*

I'm going to go google green tomato salsa recipes until I can't keep my eyes open.