Being Schooled

 So today was the beginning of my 3rd week back at school.

First week went great. Last week I felt like I was going to have a break down. This week is starting off pretty well.

I had a couple days last week where my emotions were all over the place and the old self-doubt started creeping back in to sabotage me. I had such a hard time working on any of my assignments and any time I sat down to read I couldn't make it through three sentences without having to stop and write out a list for grocery shopping the next day, or chores I need to complete around the house (actually, chores that have needed to be done for months, but I have to write a list for RIGHT NOW).

*sigh*

Fortunately, I started my period today and I think that is where a lot of those thoughts were coming from. It's funny how my perception of things can literally change overnight when I start my period. I almost feel like I've been on a crazy roller-coaster for several days before hand, but not the fun, exciting amusement park kind, and then suddenly I'm off and back on solid ground and everything is just better.

So, everything is better. I'm not feeling like I am going to fail miserably. I am not thinking that I am just a fool to think I can do this at 42. I went to class today, enjoyed the lesson, had the light bulb go off a few times, learned some interesting facts, took a test and felt pretty good about it, and just basically had a good day. I am back on track.

I snatched up a couple NCLEX-RN review texts that had been put in a Free box in the science wing hallway. I'll take as many of those as I can. I have heard horror stories about the NCLEX exams so I'd like to be as prepared as possible.

Speaking of my period, I decided to give the Diva Cup a try. Usually on my first day or so of light bleeding I will only wear a pad, and then when things pick up I'll switch to tampons. I still wore a pad today since everything I read said that it can take a couple of tries before you get the placement correct, but I must have had beginners luck because not a single leak! I forgot to bring any back up feminine products with me, so I did end up emptying the cup a couple times while at class (to avoid any potential Diva blow out). It is a messy process. There is no way around it. You are sticking your fingers up into your bloody vag, BUT over all the mess is so much less than what it would be if you were wearing a pad/tampon. So I am pretty much sold on it, although I think I will end up carrying around a pocket-sized package of wet wipes so I don't look like I've butchered a chicken in the stall.

I also find it kind of interesting that the cup has measurement markers on the side (1/4 oz, 1/2 oz, 1 oz) so you can tell how much you are emptying each time. The instructions that came with the cup stated that most women only lose about 1oz of blood during their ENTIRE cycle, which I think is WAY off. Today alone I dumped over 2oz. But I like knowing that.

Back to work tomorrow. I DON'T WANNA GO!!! It's not that I don't enjoy my job, but I'd rather be studying. I am really seriously at looking to cut my hours back from 32 to 24 hours. The biggest thing that is holding me back from that is the medical insurance. My hours now are considered full-time, so I pay full-time premiums for my insurance and it reasonable enough that I pay for the family coverage so my kids are covered too. However, if I were to drop to 24 hours I would have to start paying the part-time premiums for the insurance, which is almost 2x what I am paying now...so...that makes paying for the family coverage a bit problematic. I could afford it for me alone, but not for all of us.

I don't know. Perhaps I will feel better about staying at 32 hours once I have found my groove with school. The biggest advantage with where I am now is that if I am working an evening or weekend shift the workload tends to be much lighter, which gives me time to study. So it does have it's perks.

All that said, though. I DON'T WANNA GO TO WORK TOMORROW!!!