One thing after another..

Last week I called my eye doctor because I woke up Wednesday morning with my right eye clouded over.  I could "see" but it was like through a fog.  A bit alarming, and I was fortunate that he had a cancellation that afternoon, so I was able to get in to see him right away.

I love my eye doctor.  He's such a laid back, easy going, easy to chat with kind of guy.  Even though he was concerned about what he had found (a lesion on my retina) and said he was going to refer me to a local Ophthalmologist, I wasn't freaked out or worried about it because he is such a calm personality.  I appreciate that.

So I went to see Dr. Winkler the next day.  He went through all the same exam as Dr. Webb, blinding me with bright lights, and dilating my eyes.  But he also was able to see what Dr. Webb had seen and he was concerned about it too.  He said it didn't look like a metastasis, which is good.  But it did resemble something called Acute Retinal Necrosis, which is about as good as it sounds.  It's related to the herpes virus, and isn't good to have, so he prescribed me some eye drops and a heavy duty anti-viral medication, and referred me to a specialist in Green Bay.

So Friday morning, our alarm went off at 4am, and we were in the truck by 5am to get to Green Bay for a 7:50am appointment.  I am so thankful Gerry is a confident, and skilled driver, because even in the truck with 4 wheel drive, I would have been driving at 40 mph from here to Iron Mountain.  The roads were just too touchy for me, but Gerry had it under control, and by the time we got to Iron Mountain the weather had cleared up and it was smooth sailing from there on out.

In fact, we ended up getting there an hour early, which was fine.  I was able to get checked in and they went over some of my medical history, so that was all done before meeting Dr. Shere.  More exams with super bright lights in my eyeballs and being dilated.  Eventually he said that he also didn't think it was a metastasis, still good news, but he wasn't convinced that it was ARN either.  However, even so, he wasn't comfortable not treating me as if it was, because if it is, it could result in some major damage to my right eye.  And nobody wants that.  He also found, in the course of his exam, that I had a tear on my retina.  No idea how that happened, but it needed to be repaired or I risked a detached retina, which isn't fun to deal with either.  So he tells me he is going to laser-weld that up, so it doesn't detach fully, and he also tells me he needs to take some fluid from my eyeball to have it tested in a lab for the possibility of a virus, and as a precaution, he's also going to inject a heavy duty medication into my eyeball to potentially kill any herpes virus that may be hanging out there.

All this is done with lazers and needles.

In my eye ball.

While I am awake.

WTF!!!

Understandably, I am nervous, but Dr. Shere is kind of a no nonsense kind of guy.  He doesn't have time for me to be all nervous nelly because he has a long line of other patients he has to see, so I need to put on my big girl pants and suck it up.  So I do, and it all turns out that it's not as bad as I thought it was going to be.  The lazer job took only a few seconds, and he was kind enough to use some numbing drops in my eyeball to help with any discomfort from the needles.  And there was some, but it wasn't painful. 

Of course, afterwards, my eyeball looked like someone had taken a baseball bat to it, being that the white of my eye was all bloody.  And my pupil is still dilated, so I look pretty frightening.  Enough to the point that Gerry was telling me to "point that thing in a different direction".  Ha ha.

So, I'm still on the heavy anti-viral meds, I am on prednisone drops for the uveitis (inflammation of the uvea) and I am on drops to keep my right eye dilated while things heal from the laser work.  Plus it's still bloody, so I am still scary looking.  It's a good time.

I've got to go back on Tuesday for him to check things out and get the results from the lab work on the vitreous fluid he took out of my eyeball.  I am honestly hoping it cam back positive for the virus and that we are on the right track for taking care of it.  At this point, I don't know that I want to deal with it being anything else. 

After my visit with Dr. Winkler last Thursday, I came home and all my energy was just drained out of me.  The idea of there being something major going on with my eye, the thought of having to drive all the way to Green Bay.  Just having something else to deal with besides my cancer.....it was just all too much, and I pretty much shut down for the rest of the evening on Thursday.

Fortunately, Gerry is super understanding, and just let me do what I needed to do, which was pretty much just sleep.  It's amazing to me how much different kinds of "news" can affect you physically and mentally and when it seems to be too much, your body just says "ENOUGH" and turns itself off for a bit.  That's how I felt Thursday evening.  Just like I needed to turn myself off for a bit and pretend that there wasn't anything going on in my life besides just wanting a nap at that moment. 

There was no cancer.  There was no eyeball mess.  There wasn't a "stable genius" in office threatening nuclear war.  Everything was going to be juuuuust fine.

The fact is, it will be.  And is.  I didn't end up working this weekend because I pretty much can't see out of my right eye right now, so I have spent my weekend making sure I am keeping up on my eye drops and anti-viral meds.   I was able to get some laundry done yesterday.  Will finish it up today.  Probably change the sheets on the bed.  I had a successful BM (TMI I know, but seriously...it's big news for me!).  I am thinking about trying to get some Christmas stuff put away. Maybe I'll see if I can muster up the energy to make some bread for tomorrow's chili I plan on making.

Life is always looking to throw curve balls, and I've been catching them for years.  Really, this is nothing new for me.  There is always some sort of a surprise that throws you off and forces you to do things differently.  I'm okay with that, though.  I'm not much of a book smart person, but man, have I learned a lot about life and how to always be prepared for something new to be thrown in the mix.  Always be ready for that change.  Always be ready to change course, because you have to. 

Just always be ready, even if you don't always know what for.

Peace, my friends :)