And so it begins...

I can't sleep. Every twinge I feel in my back, or ache I feel in my hip, I immediately start thinking about this damned "situation" and what it all means. If this is how it's going to go every night, I won't get any sleep, which I can imagine means grounds for a cancer party in my breast. :o|

Har har?

I am glad I went to class today. Yesterday I was talking about how I didn't want to and Gerry kind of got on my case about it. "Good lord, you don't even know if you're even really dying. Hold off on skipping class until at least you have a real excuse." Ha ha! Yes. It made me smile, and it helped. He knows me well. And even though I putzed around this morning and left at the last minute, I still made it and took my Chemistry test, sat through lecture and lab, and had a good day. The hour and fifteen minute drive to and from class wasn't as bad as I worried it would be. I figured with all that time to think about things, I'd be a huge weepy mess. I wasn't, though. I simply plugged in some of my favorite tunes to sing along to and kept my thoughts as simple as possible. I did figure from here on out everything will need to be dealt with on a "one-day-at-a-time" basis. If I allow myself to jump too far ahead I will definitely drive myself crazy.

This is all easier to manage during the day when there are all sort of distractions that I can focus on to keep my mind off the obvious. Bedtime is going to be a struggle. I tried playing games on my iPad, reading, watching cute cat videos, but unfortunately they aren't enough to keep my mind settled down. So here I am. I am guessing there will be a lot of nights like this in my future.

If I can get away with it, I am going to hold off talking to my boss until at least after my initial appointments next week. I feel weird talking to her about it before I've even talked to my family, but she will probably be in the loop before them. I don't know how long I will hold off telling the family. I told Gerry to keep his mouth shut for now. I'd rather have as much information as I can gather so I can answer all the questions I will certainly be bombarded with. So, at least until after next weeks appointment, although I would ideally even prefer to wait until after more testing is done and I know what stage I am in, what the treatment options are, and what the prognosis is. I really don't know if I can put it off that long, though. Gah. I hate thinking about that part of all this.

I have not had an emotional breakdown yet. I am sort of worried about that. Gerry thinks I'm going to just crack and "flip the hell out", and he is probably right. That is my modus operandi when I get stressed, so yeah. I guess we can expect that to happen. For now, I would just be happy with getting to sleep, especially when the alarm is set for 4:45am and I have to be at work at 7:00am.

It's going to be a long day tomorrow.