Anger.

 I've never thought of myself as an angry person. I get uncomfortable when others openly express anger, so I have always assumed that being an "angry person" is just not part of my personality. However, I am learning that I am wrong.

I am noticing the way I react in different situations and that there are times -- more often than not -- that I am reacting in a way well beyond what is necessary for the situation.

Shoes left in the entry way? Pissed off.

Towels not folded and put away? Pissed off.

Went grocery shopping without me? Pissed off.

Had a friendly conversation with the attractive neighbor? Livid!

None of those situations are reasonable reasons for me to get as angry as I do, and yet I find myself boiling over in these scenarios. I'll let these situations simmer for a few days until, like a pressure cooker that has built up too much steam, I'll blow and send out those sharp daggers of my anger out at those closest to me. Typically Gerry. He bears the brunt of 99.9% of my outbursts, which usually consists of my having built up all sorts of unreasonable, irrational assumptions about him and us. I am convinced he is cheating on me. I am convinced he is purposely withholding conversation from me. I am convinced he is intentionally doing things to make me angry. None of it is really true, and if any of it is, it is because I make conversation difficult because it becomes an argument all the time.

It's not like this every day, but enough that over the last year or so it has become so regular it is almost predictable. I try to assign all sorts of other explanations for it, like I am tired, I am not happy with work, my schedule is all wonky, however the real explanation is that this is a part of my personality that needs to be addressed, dealt with and controlled.

I am not liking these revelations about myself, but I know that if I don't face them and deal with them then nothing will really ever change for me. I don't want that. Life is learning, and I have to be open to that -- even though some of the stuff I learn might be super unpleasant.